Indiana Ellis & Danio Chan Anaelau

Dah De Dah Dah! Dum Dee Dum! etc...

... With the way I hum the Indiana Jones theme, I bet John Williams is turning in his swivel chair.

Yes it is I, having finally returned from the coast of deepest darkest Wales. It is an inhospitable place called home by those of the tribe knowna as the "Welsh". Danger (and speed cameras) lurks around every corner. On the last day of my journey the local canoe filling station (a Total garage) was raided right infront of the Premier Travel Inn mudhut provided for me by the
locals. From the aftermath I can only assume the purpotrators were rogue members of the tribe assisted by an elephant.

Unfortunately I had other pressing maters to attend to so I could not supply the locals with my skill at chastising the criminals with my bullwhip (Standard issue to all engineers). I had been called to this dark and distant land to help the tribe recover there sacred furnace so that they could re-start local funeral rites . This would have the added effect of the local shaman being able to get a good nights sleep without being woken up from the excesive chatter of all those lost souls.

There were many perils to overcome before the sacred fires were restored. But nothing my inate ability to look good wih my shirt half buttoned and my perminiant Jungle designer stubble couldn't fix. Only once did the fires require the caress of my bullwhip. The locals provided me reasonably well feed, only once did I go hungry when the tribes captured chef (only survivor from a plane crash) walked out into the jungle never to return.

Eventually the fires were lit and the day was saved (Cue rousing score). The locals cheered and I was rewared with milk, honey and the offer of local bride in gratitude. Sadly I had to decline the chief offer of the bride, her previous intended the local champion at the quaint sport of Rugby (Gavin I think his name was, pronounces Gaa-vin) didn't look best pleased. He also didn't look the type to stand there while I attempted to subdue him with my bullwhip!

So with a garland of odd yellow flowers around my neck, I mounted my steed (a game beast a breed of Volkswagen) called Touran and departed into the sunset. Trying to follow the ancient map which led me there in the first place, back to civilisation. The map itself remains a mystery, I acquired it from an odd looking shop where the owner had this gerbil on the counter. The Gerbil also seemed to have a fascination with stallone films. The only clue I have to the maps origin is the initials AA on the cover. Only once did I have to deviate from it's marked path ending up on the odd route known only as the M6 toll road, but that is another story...

Okay I admit, I may have spiced up week away just a little bit. It wasn't that interesting so I just couldn't resist it. Especially with what awaited me when I actually got home. I'd been away so long that it was definately like something out of indiana jones. The spiders had taken over! I was fighting my way through cobwebs to get into my bathroom. I kept looking over my shoulder as I walked down the stairs half expecting to see a boulder hurtling my way. I'll admit it now I
wasn't very humane to those spiders that I found. But there's this huge one that did manage to scuttle away into a dark corner where I couldn't reach him (he's freaking huge man) and I'm just waiting for him to make an appearence again...

... So I can scream like a girl and run for cover.

Oh and for those of you who are interested. That bit of the title that requries you to have ill fitting false teeth to say is welsh for "Fire of Saddness" according to those loving internet elves.