The Answer

Not quite to life, the universe and everything. But at least to the poser I er, posed in my last post. I'm sure you remember this:




Well, let's just switch it off, zoom out, focus and we actually get:



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This!




Yep, it's just the humble lightbulb. It was the only thing that fell easily to hand at Amanda's party, apart from the company I was keeping of course. And it certainly wasn't as interesting the company, but hey I thought it was an interesting photo none the less.



Speaking of interesting photo's the tiling in my bathroom is finally complete. Unfortunately I still can't use the shower for another week. Personally I can't wait until I can have a shower to help me wake up in the morning. Anyway this is how my bathroom currently looks:





The next thing need to do is install I shower curtain rail + curtain, this weekend so I'm ready to use the shower, the second the 7 days are up. Then I need to do something with the floor, but I'm not quite sure what. I'm definately not putting carpet down, but I can't decide on putting tiles down, or some sort of wood/laminate flooring instead.



I suppose like everything it'll come down to cost in the end.

Meet Mr Pointy!

In no way is ths post going to be on Topic!



Whenever anybody says, this may sting a bit. Please believe them!!! I went for a blood test this morning. This is not the first time I've had a blood test, but this is the first time it has really made me wince. I'm sure the poor old nurse was doing the best she could, but if I were to do a one word review of this particualr test it would be this:



Brutal.



Still at least she found the vein first time. I'd hate to think what would of happened if I became a human pin cushion. So why I am going through this, well as those of you who attended Amanda's party know I didn't exactly have a good journey. I was giving Dave and Simon a lift down to Sandhurst, when I began to feel "not well". I ended up having a panic attack and an ambulance was called while I was at a hotel.



I eventually made it to the party on the Saturday (along with Simon & Dave) and managed to really enjoy myself despite how I was feeling. I always enjoy it when I get together with friends and nights such as Eurovision make it all the better. Below are the edited highlights from the party. I'll setup an invite only account when I get to sort through the full set of photo's.

Martin and Rohan, can you guess which one is the party animal?

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Mike and Richard, I have no idea what is more intersting than me with my camera.
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Simon and H (our co-host and chef), somehow they found time between showers to barbeque.

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Helen & Amanda (our hostess), yes I know there is a third person i this one, I just don't know who it is.

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Can you guess what it is. I get really jealous (the good kind) of a "certain persons" arty shots on another blog and attempted to do my own. ;-) I don't think I'll be giving up my day job.
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I made it back on Sunday after a 5 hour drive in the pouring rain. After a night sleep I didn't really feel any better so I went to see my GP. And so I'm now going through a few rounds of tests. Last week was the first round and this morning was the second. No news yet and I hate waiting, but these things are never quick. It's just that my imagination works overtime and in the meantime I just have to put up with it in the meantime.

I actually stayed with my parents last week. Last week was one of those weeks where I couldn't face living on my own. Coming back to an empty house after work, I felt like I could just burst into tears. I'm back at my place now, it doesn't echo quite as badly as it seemed to last week.

But it stil does echo!

And so it begins...

Mwa ha ha ha ha *evil laugh*

It's a bank holiday, so guess what I've spent most of it doing? Yep as any good home owner knows bank holidays are there for one thing and one thing only. DIY. And of course there is just one DIY project worthy of the name in my house. The Bathroom.

In our last DIY epsiode as you know myself and my Dad spent the entire day ripping tiles off the wall and putting a few holes in the plaster board in the process. Well Sunday was spent fixing the holes in the plasterboard with filler (evil stuff) and then skimming the walls with fisihing plaster (v. evil stuff). My bathroom could have been mistaken for a solvent factory such was the smells coming from there and oh the pretty colours...

Anyway, today the walls were in a fit condition to actually begin tiling. I never realised how much palnning you have to do before you start tiling. I'd already spent sometime measuring the whole room up and working out hopw many tiles I would need. But we spent about half an hour discussing where to put that all important first tile. As we put the first tile on I couldn't help but feel we should have had "Ode to Joy" balring away in the background and myabe a visiting dignitry or something of that ilk.

We got a great system going whereby I prepared the tiles and spread the adhesive and my Dad put them on the wall and squared them all up. We worked for about 6 hours and below is the result.

So that's most of one wall down. 3 and a bit left to go, plus all the grouting of course. After today I've got high hopes that we might get this finished and that it'll actually look reasonbly good when it's done. When that'll be though is anybodies guess. Our first target is to get enough done so the plumber can come and finish and then I can start having showers again. Then we can finish the rest of the room, probably making the most of the next bank holiday!

Hope Floats...

... or in this case at least doesn't drown. ;-)


For once my prayers were answered. Maybe a bit more forcefully than I would of liked, but I am now actually back home from Norfolk. My boss actually wanted me back in the office today so he "motivated" anotehr engineer to finish on time to releave me. What that actually meant was he ask (read: ordered) me to come back after finishing cremations on the Tuesday night.

Although luck wasn't with me for the entire time I was there. I was actually in Kings Lynn (a place Dave knows well). And I quite agree with Dave, there isn't a lot there. I drove down there on the the Monday morning setting off very early about 6 ish. I also had to use my own car. As I explained on Sunday this was all hastily arranged. What I forgot to mention was that the company pool car was unavailable.

"We'll sort you a car, don't worry". Was a phrase used quite a lot that afternoon, but by the end of the afternoon/early evening (about 6:20 ish) there was just me, my boss and his boss left in the building and guess what? Yep, no car. This saga continues later. So as mentioned earlier Monday morning finds me in my little car full of tools, on the A17 getting...

... lost!!!

I have a sat nav program and to quote Top Gear's James May "It's only as good as the clot that programs it". I set it for the right street, but in the wrong part of town. Doh, doesn't even begin to cover it!

Anyway I eventually reached the crematorium, where I've actually had what could be called a fairly easy time of it. Yes, I've worked 2 12 hour days, but they were what could be really classed as "Babysitting". Hence why my boss wanted me back in the office to do some real work.

A word about the operators. I knw Norfolk can breed them 'odd' but I've yet to come across a group odder than this lot. They think they are funny, and most of the time they are, the other times they just made me cringe. The most cringe worthy of them all was actually Canadian though! Go figure!

So I finished work on the Monday evening and made all haste to the hotel. Only to find the hotel didn't have a booking for me. I have since discovered this was the hotels fault, but at the time I was contemplating crucifing the project manager at work. I tried the Travel Inn's but the nearest one with a room was a 30 miles away in Boston. I eventually was directed to a hotel in the centre of Kings Lynn that looked like it was waiting for the 80's to come back into fashion! Still it had a roof and would feed me so it would do for the evening.

Tuesday evening saw me driving back along the A17 towards home and getting stuck behind lots of slow HGV's and tractors. The A17 is a single carriageway with very few passing points especially for a car like mine.so it took me almost a 1/3 longer to get home becasue of it, finally getting back just in time for "Extra Time" in the football.

Back to the company car saga. When I got back in the office this morning I have been making big hints that I probably should have a company car with all of the last minute travelling I do. My boss has finally taken the hint, he's going to speak to his boss (eventually) although I'll probably have to keep reminding him. So watch this space...

Waltzing Along

Well, not really. I mean, I've never waltzed in my life, never really had the rhythm for it I suppose. Plus I suspect travelling by car is faster! Except if you live in central London, then maybe dancing along the pavement would be faster.

Anyway, as always happens at my place of work, there were very last minute decisions made on Friday. Which is why, very very early tomorrow (Monday) morning I will find myself on the road and on my way to Kings Lynn in Norfolk. Yes I'm heading to the Fens for a few (hopefully) days, until another engineer comes along to take over and I can get back to the office. The job itself isn't too tough, just babysitting a machine and making sure the operators know what they are doing before we rip there other machines out.

This is one week I definately don't want any problems. This project is already 5 weeks late and we can't afford anything else to rear it's ugly head. In fact things have so far gone so wrong that I'm half expecting Bigfoot to be the next problem. Well it is Norfolk after all!

But that's tomorrow, let's go back to this weekend. This weekend I was down in Manchester visiting Dave and Simon. But this weekend had a purpose, we went to see James in concert at the M.E.N Arena. This wasn't James Blunt or James Morrison, this was just 'James'. This was the 3rd time I've seen thenm in conert which puts them at the top of my concert charts.

The concert itself was spectacular. The music was brilliant (obviously) and the lighting effect weren't too shabby either. In fact the only thing that was wrong with the evening was that the people in front of us insisted on smoking, even though the arena itself is a no smoking zone. I can't wait until the ban on smoking in public places comes into effect in 2 months. Some people just make me very angry...

Grr...

Anyway, let's finish on a something a little on calming. For those of you who have no idea who James are here is one of my favourite songs. Here's hoping I'm back midweek.

Do You Remember Your First Time?

I do! "Naughty Thoughts Abound"

For the first time last week I was a complete and utter geek at work! It was my real first out pouring of geekiness. And do you know what? Some of my colleagues actually "got it" I was most impressed. Although it went completely over my bosses head, but you can't win them all.

Anyway, I got to play "House". We've had a problem with a project at work (I can't name it it's very politicaly sensitive) and this has been going on for weeks. Anyway different people have been involved over the past few weeks and various "problems" have been seen, but never been discussed at the same time. So I watched this project remotely for a few days to verify all these problems.

Can you see where this is going?

Yep, I made gratuitous use of the white board in my office. I wish I could take a picture of it show you, but it would require too much censoring. It starts with a big title at the top that reads; "***** Differential Diagnosis" (***** being the project name) and then in a different colour I list all of the observed symptoms (of which there are half a dozen). I even left room in case more symptoms appear. And finally I listed the outcome if the "symptoms" get worse, which basically amounts to "smoke, flames & bang".

When somebody stepped into the office and tried to add an extra symptom I even got to utter the immortal line: - "I told you,only I get to play with the markers". I had a big smile on my face for the rest of the day.

I've even decided to grow the "House Stubble" to commemorate this event.

And now for a quick bathroom update:

Well, I spent the entire weekend trying to sort out tiles. Firstly I removed all but 6 of the current tiles from the bathroom wall. Why keep 6? Well, the sink isn't actually screwed to the wall. Instead I've discovered it's only the sealent between it and the wal tiles that holds it up. It doesn't actually need the pedestal, time for plan B on that score.

I have also purchased there replacements. I'm going to tile the entire room in a 2 tone colour scheme. The picture isn't brilliant, but as you can see it's a nice shiny dark(ish) grey at the bottom. With a 2 tone border in the middle (really shiny) with a beige/light grey hybrid for the upper half. The tiles are bigger then the old ones, so I don't yet know how long it will take me.

Below is a current "Work in progress" from the bathroom. As you can see it's a bit of a mess, but my new taps have at least been fitted.

The radiator is also currently in and working, but I couldn't take a picture of that at the moment. I've had to prop the door open as I'm currently repainting the skirting board from an "off white" to an "actual white" while there are no tiles on the wall and no carpet on the floor. I don't have to be so careful. I've manged to do most of it, and I should finish the rest of the skirting board on Wednesday night.

Oh and until the tiling is finished I don't have a shower, so I either don't or I take a bath. Unless I get up earleir I don't have time for a bath before I go to work. I never realised I'd have such difficult decisions once I started this project!

Minimal Disruption

You know when someone used the phrase "minimal disruption" you should actually be focusing on the "disruptive" part rather than the word minimal. The plumber/electrician/all round good guy has started work on those jobs around the bathroom that I talked about last time. I took the day off work on Monday, just i case he needed anything after he had actually started on the job.

Well for most of Monday he had to turn off the electicity as he had to replace the utility box in the kitchen. The old one didn't have any spare RCD's (Residual Current Devices - a type of circuit breaker) so he had to fit a new one with more room. As he was fitting a new one he had to retest every other circuit in the house ( as each one had a new RCD). That took all of monday.

It is now Wednesday and he is currently almost halfway through (he's probably going to overun by half a day on the original estimate). The radiator has been fitted and he's done all of the wiring now. What's left is to fit the taps and the shower. Currently my house looks like this.

The Corridor from front door to bathroom.

My spare room/temporary workshop.

So what disruption have I left. Well, to fit the shower he actually has to remove the bath entirely from the bathroom to reroute some pipes (which means no showers until it's finished). And of course that probably means the water will be turned off as well. But it's all in a good cause. I also have Friday booked as a day off from work to make sure everything is finished correctly. Only when he's finished will I take some "work in progress" pictures.

So that's the week ahead, what about the week previous? Well Friday was obviously the 13th an while I had no bad luck personally 2 of my charges tried to injure themselves in spectacular fashion during our weekly sports session. Neither was injured seriously it just meant more paperwork for me to do.

On the Sunday I attended an all day T'ai Chi course held by our instructor for all of his classes in the area. It was actually part of an all week easter course that he was running, but because of other commitments I could only attend on the final day. God's I was sore after that session. I tweaked a muscle on the inside of my thigh as well (Steady girls!). It was my own fault, I stretched I bit to far during one of the exercises. Part of the lesson was spent on Massage techniques (which is part of our discipline) and I think that section went on longer than he intended, probably because our instructor was enjoying it so much. This is actually a good skill to have after doing a long session such as this one.

Work has been, well work. The French have been really quiet and instead the Swede's keep ringing/emailing with problems - mostly to do with Windows. Would you believe I think there is a langauge problem with English versions of Windows talking/networking with Swedish versions. I have also been using out remote monitoring system to watch a new site we are currently trying to install, that just doesn't seem to work. Everything points to the fact t should work, it just doesn't!

The rest of my working time has been spent on a monster Excel document. I'm running a few equations through tables of variables trying to simulate various conditions when it comes to controling the temperature of gas burners during certain conditions. It's more interesting than it actually sounds as it's part of our efforts to reduce the fuel consumption of our machines. It's all to do with environmental efficiency in todays global/political climate. All of the number's it is producing is just making my head spin.

I still have weeks when I do wish I could have a quick drink now and again. Speaking of drinking (and it's a bit disturbing how this link works), I'm thinking of organising a get together at my place in the mid/late summer region of this year. Yes I know it's been over 2 years since I moved in (hey with house parties it's better late than never). But after all this time I felt it's time I actually hoseted one, rather than just helped. I've attended so may other's that I definatelty have more than one favour to return. ;-)

Any who, I'm just casting the net to see who would be initially interested. I'm doing it here as I'm going to restrict numbers initially due to space issues. I also realise that for those London based people it's a long way for you to come, so don't worry if it's not possible.

Like I said, I'm just fishing for responses at the moment, like a little garden gnome by the side of a pond. ;-)

12 of 12 April

Another month, another 12 of 12. I never realised that I'd have at least 48 picture worthy moments so far this year, but there you go. Especially as they have to come in 12 picture bursts each month, but so far so good. I'll just not try to think of the other 96 I've got left to find somewhere this year. I can already see that May is going to be a doozy.

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1. 07:10 Approx

My bathroom (after I've had a shower, there'll be no nakedness in these pictures). This will be the last time I can take this picture of my bathroom. Isn't it just lovely and white (and boring), great for showing up the dust and grime. Next week I start refitting various items to make it more interesting (and more useful).

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2. 07:20 Approx

These are some of the currently selected parts that are going ot be used to refit the bathroom. Next week we will be replacing the standard radiator, with a proper towel warmer (to save space & have toasty hot towels) and fitting a new electric shower. The current shower uses hot water straight from the boiler (which is fickel in it's operation). The taps on the bath don't work so we're replacing them (and the basin taps to match). Eventually we'll be redoing the tiling and the floor as well.

Oh and the picture on the otherside of the box is a semi-clothed woman about to step into the shower. So the box is the other way round (I meant what I said earlier!)

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3. 07:25 Approx

Ouch! I just tripped over this on my kitchen floor. Why do I have a TV in the middle of my kitchen floor you ask? Well, this particular TV broke the other week. The picture became curved as if you were watching everything in a carnival mirror (straight lines were curved). This annoyed me so much that I bought I new TV. While fitting the new one myself and a friend moved the TV into the kitchen temporarily. Unfortunately they left before I could get there help to move it somewhere more suitable (it's darn heavy). So this morning it took it's revenge for being replaced.

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4. 10:00 Approx

My life on a PC screen. Since getting a new PC at work (plus an up to date copy of MS Office) I've started using Outlook to organise my life. All those colours represent different aspects of my life. The gold coloured one in the middle of my screen reminds me it's 12 0f 12 time. Unfortunately I can't take my PC home with me so I was stuffed for organising stuff outside of work. Until, thanks to the miracle fo Ebay I aquired the PDA you see next to it.

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5. 12:00 Approx

Just a little light reading here. Although I'm not part of process design in the company it doesn't hurt to know the detail as to how things work. I've had these books since uni (approx 5 years ago) and I still don't understand them half of what's in them.

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6. 16:00 Approx

After the various pictures of cremators I thought I would introduce you to another piece of "equipment". This is called a Cremulator (pron. crem-you-lay-tor not cream-you-lay-ta) as one of our american sales guys is fond of calling it. After you have been cremated you don't come out of the Cremator in that fine dust that you see in urns or in scatterings. Instead you come out in big lumps. A cremulator is used to grind those lumps up into the small white dust. The cabinet on the right is an "Ash Transfer Cabinet" where the ash from the cremulator is poured into an urn or other container.

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7. 17:10 Approx

So what lurks in the boot of my car. Well, it's not that big (snigger) so not a lot. The box on the right is my toolbox (I'll refrain from any more euphormisms), which lurks in my boot as it gets used at work and at home. Also visable is a small carton of engine oil (just in case) and a warning triangle. Out of shot is a GB sticker and headlamp deflectors which I need to put on the car for driving in Europe. The box contains my golf shoes (yes I try ot play golf), my clubs are actually at my parents house as I'm due to play them sometime in the near future. What's not in my boot is a bag that contains a sleeping bag and an air bed (+ pump) just in case of accomodation emergencies.

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8. 18:25 Approx

This is me just before I head off to my evening T'ai Chi class. I usually get changed in the office as there isn't really anywhere to get changed once I get to the class. We wear different coloured T-shirts depending on the aspect of training we are doing. What you can't see are the baggy black pants. The camera is propped up on a filing cabinet and wasn't pointed quite where I thought was!

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9. 18:55 Approx

This is Meanwood Church Hall. This is where the Thurday night T'ai Chi class is held, not much else to say really, except it was a bugger to find when I first joined.

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10. 20:20 Approx

This is a picture or a class in full swing (literally). Notice that we have changed from the blue to the yellow tops. This is because we are practicing the Yang arts, rather than the Ying Arts. On the far left is our senior instructor (and highest ranking practisioner outside of China) whose title is Lobar (lit. "Old man"). On the right is our class instructor (and Lobar's student) John. They are currently demonstrating the principle "The longest will become the shortest and the shortest will become the longest". This demonstated by John (with the long stick) failing in his attempts to touch Lobar, and yet Lobar can tap him everytime with the much shorter stick.

The website for the arts can be found here for those who are interested.

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11. 21:45 Approx

The obligatory night time shot. How many people going shopping at the supermarket at this time of night? More than I expected by the looks of this picture. Mind you who am I too talk, I'm just popping in to get some Banana's as I ate the last one this morning.

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12. 22:25 Approx

Ah back home to, to my latest gadget and the reason that TV in the middle of my kitchen floor decided to take it's revenge. This is my new TV (obviously) and it's nice and shiny and new (duh)! It seems much better than the old one (straight lines are actually straight) and the only really problem I have with it at the moment is the lack of power button. You can also just see my favourite gadget my Nintendo Wii, it's just so much fun, especially the sports games.

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Now I must confess that I have a template which I copy/paste to help me make these 12 of 12 posts. This section I have actually called "Postamble" I mean the bit at the beginning is "preamble" so why can't this be a post. Okay, so I haven't actually called the bit in the middle "amble" maybe if I did I could get away with it. Also, if you can pre-empt, does that mean you can post-empt? I'd like to see Doc Brown from Back to the Future explain that one.

If you have read all fo this and have no idea why I did this, then pop over here and read Chad's blog.

Insert Heroic Theme Here!

I'm going to break the first rule of being a superhero, I'm going to reveal my secret identity. Yes, it is me, I am me. No wait...hang on I've got that the wrong way round. You already know my secret identity, if you don't just look at the top right of this page. What you actually need to know is which superhero I actually am.

To be honest with you I don't know either (that's how secret it really is)! What I mean is over the past few days I've just been discovering my superpowers myself. I have the ability to break electical appliances and white goods in all sorts of subtle ways. In the past few days:

(i) I have found my washing machine leaks out of the door when it gets going on the spin cycle. I have to press the "Reduce Creases" button to slow the spinning and prevent my pots and pans floating away into the living room.

(ii) My laptop can only be having what can be described as "issues". Everytime I boot it up, a different problem presents itself. If it's not the antivirus complaining that windows has taken it's ball back,it is the screen flashing like a strobe light in an effort to try and induce a fit. I just have to keep rebooting until I get a problem I can work around. At present it is complaining that Realplayer has gone into anaphylactic shock, which suits me just fine.

(iii) While loading up a game on my Wii console I got the message "Save Data Corrupt, erasing data". You could probably here my screams of anguish echoing throughout the hills.

(iv) And then today, when my TV (for the 2nd time in 2 1/2 years) cannot decide what size screen it has, nor what shape a "rectangle" actually is. It has any number of different picture options and none of them fit on the screen. Then when you view something full screen the top of the screen has that funny curve in it. It looks like you're trying to watch the TV in a fairground mirror.

I suspect that I am currently generating massive electrical/magnetic fields that are causing all these problems. Maybe I should've of paid more attention when it was observed at Simon's Stoke WD party that when I wandered around the room, the TV reception changed. Hopefully I'll soon learn to control these powers and use them for good. I've earmarked the TV as the first thing that I need to replace, so it would be nice if I could get these powers under control. Can you imagine what would happen if I walked into a branch of Dixons?

TV Armageddon! Hey maybe that could be my alias?

In other, just as "Grr" news, I'm pissed off with my counterparts in the French office. Except of course I don't have a counterpart in the French office, otherwise they wouldn't keep annoying me. So much so, that I was ordered by some jumped up, pencil pusher in the French office to be available at 08:30 French time (07:30 UK time to provide remote support to a site. This is not just any site, a flock of sheep (minus the sheepdog) has more intelligence than the people on this site.

And to top it all off, it is so wrong for me to have this song constantly floating around my head.

Catch Up... if you can

I've been writing this post since god know's when. It started out as an easy way for you guys to catch up with what I've been up to this fortnight. Unfortuantely I've yet to catch up with everything I've been up to. So I don't know how everyone else is supposed to! I really could do with some "Me time" but it doesn't look like I'll get anymore of that anytime soon.

Without further boring preamble here is a blog-lite version of the last fortnight.

Helen's Visit
Starting with my week off from work. Helen came up for a three day visit starting on the Monday. Unfortunately on the sunday night one of my water pipe joints burst and flooded the bathroom. It was one of those moments where you just think "Great" with as much sacasm as you can possibly imagine. Helen arrived before the plumber turned up, but it wasn't too long before it was fixed. Then we got down to some serious DVD watching, including Alias ,House and Battlestar Galactica.

I also introduced her to Wii sports playing Golf, Bowling, Baseball and Tennis. The overall score was 2-2 with Helen winning the Golf and the Bowling. I somehow managed to fluke a score on the Baseball to win.

Helen taught me how to cook Rissoto (if not how to spell it) so I've now been able to add that to my batchelor repatoire. If you've never tried it I can heartly recommend it. We also saw "The Good Shepard" at the cinema. That film is way to long and slow to recommend as a cinema experience. Best to wait for the DVD.

Unfortunately the visit was over all too soon by wednesday when I dropped Helen off at the airport. It was lovely to have the company for a few days ad breaks from the routine are always welcome.

Ashford

By sunday it was back to work time. I was due back at the plant in Ashford (Kent) first thing on Monday morning to finish what I started. So I drove back down on the Sunday afternoon just so I wasn't drving down at some ridiculously early time on the Monday morning. There was no snow this time and there was no drama either. Which makes a change.

Because I was sitting on the Channel tunnel there was a chance I would end up in Belgium later in the week (being the nearest engineer), however it never materialised.

Manchester
Which meant I could go visit the lads up in manchester the following weekend. Well that actually should of read "the lad" as bally didn't arrive until Saturday evening. But he had a good excuse so we forgave him. Of course there was football to be watched that weekend. Specifically Middlesbrough FC (my team) Vs Man Utd (Dave's team). It was 2-2 in the end with Man Utd getting a hotly contested penatly at the towards the end.

We lost the replay and I'm not bitter, honest!

Twelve of Twelve

New Toy
I won the weekly sweepstake at work twice in the same month. I'll tryand avoid the usual puns about buses. I've been part of the office sweepstake since I joined the company and statistically I should win once a year. But as we all know statistics like to lie. Anyway, With my winnings I decided to trawl ebay to see what bargins there were.

In the end I gazumped somebody and bought a PDA. I'd been looking to buy one for a while, but never really found one that I like (at the right price). The reason I wanted one was that now that I have a new PC at work I've been trying to organise my life using Outlook (including contacts, etc). I've been doing a pretty good job of it except that when I leave the office all the planning becomes useless. People ask - can I do this? Am I available to do that, but because I couldn't get at the PC, I couldn't give them an answer.

I hate written diaries and this way I let my PC rule even more of my life. How can I lose? ;-)

Eurovision
Oh my god! Okay, so it's typically Eurovision. The reason we don't win is that the people who voted for Scooch to represent us don't take it seriously. Okay I'll admit I think it's better than last years, but for the full on effect why don't we just enter some Butlins Redcoats?



Staff Development Course

After 5 days of work this is just what I needed. A full weekend of "death by powerpoint", but this is exactly what I had to do this past weekend. The staff development course is actually another hoop I have to jump through before I can apply to become a uniformed staff member with the ATC.

It was a residential course so I stayed the weekend at RAF Linton-On-Ouse. The course started at 7pm on the Friday and finished at 5pm on the Sunday. The days started at 9am and finished at 8pm (on the Saturday). A lot of it was "powerpoint" work, but there was the odd discussion and drill section to keep it intersting. The best bit was the bar prices in the Sergeants mess. I bought a round for everybody (10 of us) and it cost me £12 how cool is that.

Thankfully I passed the course so I can now apply to go into uniform. If I get though the application process it's back to polishing my shoes until I can see my face in them.

12 of 12 March

It's 12th of March and that can only mean one thing. It's that time of the month where I avoid the censors and I'm let loose with my camera. At least until the men in white coats come along with the syringe nicknamed "Mr Happy".

I just wish a jacket with so many buckles was fashionable! So before I have to type this with my nose here we go again...

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1. 07:30 Approx

By this time I'm awake, fed and ready for work. There is only one last thing I have to do before I leave - take my medication. I'm currently on 3 pills and a special orangr drink a day (+ a nasal spray for my sinus problems). The orange drink is the oddest thing. If I don't drink it as soon as it's made up then it turns to jelly and would require a Knife and Fork to drink.

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2. 07:55 Approx

The traffic is backing up earlier on the commute than my previous 12 of 12. As always the matrix message signs (those displays above and beside the motorway) are right on the ball. Warning me of he possibilty of a queue and to drive at 40 mph. I'm desperately resisting the sarcasm at this moment.

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3. 10:00 Approx

This is our testing panel at work. We use it to test any new equipment we plan to add to our standard systems. The display panels at the top are called HMI's (Human Machine Interface's) and the bottom electrical equipment are called PLC's (Programmable Logic Controller's). My working life is just full of TLA's (Three Letter Abbreviations), but we couldn't work without them.

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4. 13:00 Approx

It's lunchtime and that's the time I can try and safetly get those jobs done during the day, that I can't do when I get back home in the evening. In this case try and sort out the mortgage on my house. I think they just make it this complicated on purpose to stop you switching and the fee's they charge are just horrendous. Power to the people obviously hasn't reach mortgage companies yet!

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5. 14:57 Approx

A bigger picture of a TLA, sorry I mean a PLC. This is the device that control everything to do with the cremator (or incinerator). Each PLC has a software program running inside that takes information from a number of sources (including PC's) before deciding what to do. These little things take the place of huge panels that would take uo the space of a garden shed and make my life much easier than it was for some of my (older) colleagues.

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6. 16:30 Approx

This is a machine that has just been finished in the workshop. What you are looking at is what is called the Primary Chamber. This is where the actual "Cremation" occurs, at temperatures of approximately 850 celcius (1562 Farenheit). We don't actually do any in the workshop, we just heat the machine up using the gas burners while testing. We only cremate when the machines are "on site" at the crematorium and running fully.

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7. 18:30 Approx

The fridge of a single male in his mid 20's. It has just been restocked after a trip to the supermarket, from Top left to bottom right; Butter, Margarine, Mushrooms, Fruit Smoothy, Creme Freche, Spotted Dick, Cod Fillets, Pepsi Max (not mine, left by a friend 3 months ago). There is salad, corn on the cob and a potato in the trays at the bottom.

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8. 18:45 Approx

But before I eat it's off on my trusty steed for some exercise. The bike is nothing to write home about as it is about 7 years old, but it is solid and everything still works well. I had to fit a new seat though as the old one could have been a cold war torture device invented by the KGB. Maybe the CIA has them as well, but they're not letting on. I like cycling it's helping me rebuild my leg strength afer I became rather inactive after an illness 3 1/2 years ago.

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9. 19:20 Approx

Yep it's the obligatory dark picture (i'm doing it while I still can) and this one is very dark! On tonight's cycle route I passed a small track of which I've always wondered where it leads. I know curiosity killed the cat, but it always get's the better of me, so down I went. This is about halfway down the track. Although the photo's not brilliant, I felt like I was next in the "Blair Witch Project".

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10. 19:22 Approx

The track didn't get very far and this is what greated me at it's finish. I'm in the middle of a pitch black wooded area and I've come across a sign that says "end". Needless to say you start to looking over your shoulder. I don't mind telling you I made it up the track faster than I went down it. As an aside for those of you who are unfamiliar with the British Highway code, the sign has nothing to do with "umbrella's required" (usually a necessity over here anyway) and is used to indicate roadworks.

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11. 20:30 Approx

Food. I was so hungry when I got back from cycling. Do you remember that list from my fridge? Most of it ended up on this plate. I was so hungry that I ate half of it before I remembered to get a picture. Next time you might end up with an empty plate.

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12. 21:45 Approx

Vanity, we all suffer from it and I am gulity as charged. I was looking at my passport with it's age old photo, before I happened to glance in the mirror. My hairline has defiantely gone backwards at a high rate of knots. However until eye's become detachable I've never known how bad it was "on top". The above photo confirms my worst fears. How I wish I hadn't given up the alcohol.

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So there you have it. This puts 12 of 12, 25% of the way through this year and so far so good I'm still here. It's good job that this is all picture based, if I were let loose on my work stories I doubt you'd all be around next month.

If you have read all fo this and have no idea why I did this, then pop over here and read Chad's blog.

No News is Good News

Right?

For once I sat down to blog on a Wednesday as I usually do (mainly as it's a free evening) and I've just sat staring at my screen for 5 minutes. Nothing has happened in the last few days. Should I be worried? Will my life suddenly turn normal. Will I lose my powers of being interesting (if I do say so myself) watch this space if it remains blank, please feel free to fear the worst.

So I find myself in the odd position of turning to something relevant to mull over for once. Todays topic: Congestion charging.

* Lightning flashes, a lady screams and a poor orphen boy suddenly learns the awful truth about his father*

There has been a lot of time in the media devoted to this topic, mainly due to the phenominal number of people who responded to the online petition. In my opinion Congestion Charging via road charging is a bad idea. The government should be making public ransport more attractive, rather than making drving less attractive. I know causing the latter brings about the former, but for any government that relies on image this would be a bad idea.

Using me as an example here is how the car vs public transport debate works. At present I have a 12 mile commute to work using the car 90% of this is on the motorway (M1 and M621) and the other 10% is badly designed A roads and junctions between the 2 motorways. This takes me about 30 minutes on average. More during bad weather, less during school holidays.

My route on public transport would be much more varied. 12 miles is too far to walk/cycle to work so I need to take powered transport somewhere. It is 1 mile to the train station and then a 20 minute train journey to leeds station. £4 before 9am £2.50 after 9am, but of course it must be before 9am. Then I must walk to the bus station (about 10 minutes) to catch a bus that goes close to where I work. The bus would probably take 30 minutes to get to work. So far total transit time is 1 hour minimum.

Comparing current costs (40p a mile for the car) the car costs £4.80 and public transport £5.60 so there is only 80p difference between journeys. Over a year that translates to about £190 difference in cost. Now I could really reduce that if I cycled from Leeds station to work, which would be my prefered option. However I can't take my bike on rush hour trains. People are packed in like cattle already. There is no way they're going to let me on. They talk alot about reducing my "carbon footprint" but the most environmentally friendly option isn't available to me.

Obviously if they brought in road pricing they would definately price me out of driving my car to work. If public transport improves before they impelent this, then I'll gladly switch to public transport.

However if things don't improve, I won't go willingly, cully!

It lives!

... insert evil belly laugh here ...


I've gone for a bit of a theme for the first part of this post. Why only the first part? Well because even with my twisted logic I couldn't make my the second half fit with the first part. I look at it and think it would be easier to stitch together chalk and cheese.


Part One - The Themed One!


Let's start with mentioning something that is currently among the unliving - my boss. He was away Thursday and Friday last week looking after the kids as his wife had flu. What was worse was his oldest daughter also had chickenpox so she couldn't even go to nursery. Unfortunately he's now also caught the flu as well! I wish him and his family well, not least because I'm running the office on my own at the moment. I may have next week off, but it looks like work is going to work me hard for it.


They have provided me a tool to try and make this easier though. The IT necromancer who works in his tower office in the emerald city has worked a miricle.


It lives...





Yes my laptop is back amongst the living pieces of electrical equipment. I didn't enquire too heavily as to how they managed it. All I know is that it involved lightning and some chanting in BASIC, when they started taking to me about sacrificing virgins I thought it best to beat a hasty retreat.


Another thing among the land of the living is ...


... me. Sort of. I'm feeling much better than I was a few weeks ago, but only thanks to the marvel that is modern medicine. I now have to take pills three times a day to stop the muscles spasms which are the cause of my discomfort and I also have to take dietry supplements as well.


The pills are fine, it's the supplements that are they odd thing. I need to take it once a day with breakfast and it takes the form of an "orange juice drink" I say form very loosly. Imagine talking your morning glass of orange and dissolving a weetabix biscuit in it, that's what it tastes like. It also soldifies if you don't drink it quickly. All I need is for it to bubble and steam to make my morning complete.


Part Two - The Random Stuff


Because it doesn't really belong anywhere else. For example I spent some of this weekend on a "Media Communications" course with the ATC. Bascially it was a course on how to write press releases, take interesting pictures and how to handle the media in a crisis. And that last part involves a lot more than just "No comment" I might add.


We also got chance to discuss the recruitment of Adult volunteers as they are planning a big recruitment drive over the next month. Did you know the ATC actually has more members than the RAF? But like most volunteer organisations we lack the people power to run all of our squadrons properly. It'll be intersting to see how the new campaigns works as last years wasn't all that good.


I've also started to watch the first season of "Life on Mars" which I bought on DVD last week. I have to admit it's one of the most intersting things I've watched recently. It has that little bit extra which to me makes it more than "just a cop show". I don't ever think I'll look at the girl from the test card the same again either. For those who haven't watched it I'd recommend it.


And finally, I found this picture on my camera, having forgotten it was there, I'll leave it up to you to add a caption.

Thoughtful

Happy Valentines Day!

Although for me today is just like any other. Except I can't help but reflect on certain things. Especially when they seem intent on ramming it down your throat for the entire day. Don't get me wrong, it's great that a day like this exists. Love is definately a think that should be celebrated and to be quite honest romance is defiantely an idea that appeals.

However to make valentines the more special for those who celebrate it, maybe advertising should be toned down a bit. I would like to think I'm showing my affection because I wanted to, rather than because this is the only month of the year that WHSmith has a rack of cards allowing me to do so.

It was interesting to see how different people at work celebrated valentines day. Some went the whole hog, flowers, cards, chocolates etc. Other's were sightly quiter, but probably no less affectionate. And there were one or two who didn't do anything special (so they say).

Of course being completely honest with myself I do get slightly jealous around this time of year. Being brutally honest I don't make it easy for myself, but that's just the way I am. Even with all this I can still see the humour in it all.

I was stood in the queue for the checkouts at Tesco, when I actually looked up to study who was in the queue in front of me. There were 5 people in all, 4 blokes with baskets full of ready meals and the staples of bread, milk etc. The other was a bloke with a bouqet of Tesco value flowers. It was like somethign out of the start of a comedy sketch. What made me smile though was the realisation that I was stood in this queue and probably didn't look out of place at all.

That put me in a whimsical mood. And as always happens with at this time, I decided to do something on a whim. I went round Tesco's and worked out how much Valnetines would probably cost me if I weren't single. That money is now set aside for a good cause.

I just wish I had some chocolate in the house at the moment!

12 of 12 February

Well it's that time of the month again, it's 12 x12 x2, which could be 12 x 24. 24 huh?

"This is a day(ish) in the life of Andy Ellis. He has 24 hours to save the worldwith only his digital camera for company" I'll tell you now if I only had 24 hours to save the world I'd ask for an extention. I could guarantee that I'd want to sleep for at least 8 of those 24 hours. Can you imagine that...

... "Now on FOX, 5am - 6am on 24, beep, beep, beep..." All you would get would be an hour of me in bed asleep. Punctuated by adverts of course. In fact I could guarantee that those adverts would probably be the most exciting part. What am I saying such a programme already exists over here in the UK, it's called Big Brother.

So let's start todays 12 of 12 where I would spend those 8 hours of the day I mentioned earlier.

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1. 06:45 Approx

This is the time my day begins when I'm working in the office. Although I'm not above catching an extra 5 minutes here and there. In cold weather I like to rap myself in the duvet like a sleeping bag and only my bald spot is probably visable between the covers. Well, nobody else needs the covers at the moment!

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2. 07:10 Approx

Breakfast. I'm never one for a cooked breakfast, however I always have a bowl of cereal which is bigger than the recommended serving. I'm also a big fan of banana's which is why I always add one to breakfast whenever possible.

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3. 07:45 Approx

My steed for this mornings ruch hour traffic. Although I'm back in the office I have a works van due to working on site last week. This was featured in Yesterdays Fable of the tale of the "Snow White Van Man".

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4. 08:05 Approx

And the rush hour is in full swing. I sit at this junction every morning rain or shine. In my opinion it is one of the most ill-designed junctions I have ever had the misfortune to come across on a regular basis. Also do you notice those white stripes painted on the road. You are not supposed to drive over those lines unless it's an emergency. I wonder where the truck is on the road? *Sarcasm*

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5. 09:30 Approx

My desk at work. It's a much more comfortable place to work than round the back of a cremator or on top of an incinerator. Yes there are 3 mugs on there, but I only use the one. I don't know who the other two belong too. They just seem to multiply.The last time somebody left a mug on my desk I planted a cactus in it. It's still on my window sill growing away nicely. Notice the fan heater in the bottom right hand corner. Until last week the radiator in the office didn't work.

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6. 11:00 Approx

Tea Break. Or in this case a biscuit break. This is the office (okay my) biscuit barrel. Can you guess what it actually is? Yes it's actually a plastic urn, although as far as I know it's only ever had biscuits in it. It currently houses my Jaffa cakes.

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7. 12:45 Approx

Lunchtime. Our canteen is only open Tuesday - Friday, so we have to fend for ourselves on a Monday. Usually we just wander up to the local sandwich shop or for those of us not watching what we eat, the chippie. As you can see I I took option A. It's a bagel with Salmon and Soft Cheese filling, a chocolate caramel slice (okay so I'm not watching my weight weight that much) and a fruit smoothie. Eaten at my desk as I've got stacks to do of course.

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8. 16:00 Approx

My true steed. Yes this is actualy my car when I'm not tearing around the countryside as teh country's slowest white van. I took this shortly after transfering all of maps, spare glasses, CD's etc from the van back into my car. The van and the car were parked less than 5 feet apart yet I still managed to lose the van keys walking between the van and my car!

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9. 19:00 Approx

Straight after getting back in after work I try and go out for a bike ride if it's dry and not to windy. I tend to cycle upto the top of the hill next door. Although Helen would probably argue that it isn't a hill. Anyway this is the view of the motorway at night from the top of the hill. I'm actually really pleased how this picture came out. Much better than the pier from last time.

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10. 20:00 Approx

Dinner. I wasn't too tired by this point tonight so I decided to cook something rather than break out something from the freezer. So what you see here is a low-fat chicken Korma, side salad and a not so low fat Peshwari Naan. The camera had to be quick as I was v. hungry. It was also very tasty as well. I'm glad I could enough so I could put together another one later in the week.

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11. 20:30 Approx

The aftermath. I hate the washing up. That's actually a couple of days worth of washing up. I do it that way to try and claim to being "Environmentally Friendly".

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12. 21:30 Approx

My "To watch pile" of DVD's. I'm getting to the state where I'm actually buying DVD's faster than I can watch them. If i get chance I'm going to reduce that pile by one tonight. You may notice quite a few Anime DVD's in that pile. At present my anime DVD's outnumber all my other DVD's by a ratio of 7 - 1.

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So that's my 12 of 12 for February. You've now seen parts of the other side of my job, when I'm actaully sat behind a desk. Unfortunately some parts of it can't really be shown in a public forum for obvious reasons, but I hope it's intersting none the less.

If you have read all fo this and have no idea why I did this, then pop over here and read Chad's blog.

Snow White Van Man

I'm sure their should be some "quotes" in that title somewhere, but I just can't seem to decide where to put them!

Once upon a time there was a wicked EnVIronmentaL health officer. Who one day decided to confer with his magic filing cabinet. You could tell it was a magic fling cabinet as it could speak and somehow everything could be filed under the letter 'V'. Yet when you reached your hand in he the file that came to hand was the one you actualy wanted.

"Cabinet, Cabinet on the floor, who is the cleanest on this shore" spoke the EHO. And low, the middle draw on the filing cabinet did open and did a single file rise slowly from it's unfathomable depths. And the file contained the information on a site in the fabled land of Kent. The EHO prided himself on being the cleanest in the land, but in his hand was a site that was clean, but was not as clean as an identical site in the land of Suffolk.

"How can this be?" cried the EHO. Another file rose from the cabinet, this time from the top drawer. Reading this new file a wicked smile came to the EHO's face.

"Bring me the Whtie Van man who cleaned up this site in the far of land of Suffolk. I want him here, send my minions forth. I want my site to be the cleanest in the land, whatever it takes to keep it that way!" So saying the EHO then issued an evil belly laugh. This laugh was so evil that all the birds nesting in the nearby trees took flight, for they are sensitive to such things.

And so White Van man was forced to travel to the fabled land of Kent, but only after working a full day in his office as a scullery maids work is never done. So after working "around" the fire he threw his tools in the back of a borrowed cart (okay van) and took the many pathways that led to Kent. Arriving late in Kent White Van Man got lost, but was taken in by a kindly inn. Well as kindly as an inn gets when they are getting paid by expenses.

Now at this point in the story you are probably expecting 7 dwarf (or dwarves if you prefer), but due to the EHO also having a political correctness fetish ther will be none of these in our tale. In fact there is nobody of a vertical challanged nature at all, not even a Jockey!

Feeling utterly knackerd the White van man immediately went to sleep. Not even wondering about the feeling of De ja Vu that engulfed him as he walked into the decidedly purple room. When awoke the next morning this is the site that greeted him.



After digging it out and still undecided where the quotes should go in his new name, Snow White Van Man set off to fufill the EHO's request not knowing that this story would not have a happy ending (there you've had fair warning, but read on if you must).

At first the request seemed an easy one. Snow White Van Man had already done this one and it should of been a simple matter to repeat the feat and at first all went well. But as the days past he came to realise all was not well in the land of Kent. And at the end of days he had to give up on his task, much to the displeasure of the EHO.

And so he was cursed to return to the land of Kent someday. To try and try again and again until the end of time until his task was done. And so he returned one last time to the inn, planning to sleep the sleep of a thousand years.

But no, he was awoken the next morning. Not by a fair prince I may add and for this he was glad because he didn't swing that way. Nor by a fair princess either (because Snow White Van Man is all for equal oppotuinities) it was not to be, although someday he hoped that would be true. So with a heavy heart he mounted his white steed and drove off into the rain.

Fin

Splash! A-ha.

God's I'm tired.

I attempted to stay up and watch last nights Superbowl....

We interupt this programme to bring you a special news flash, there is currently water coming out if my ceiling...

... excuse me...

In the name of everybody everywhere. Why me? I've just spent the last half an hour mopping up all of the water on the floor of my bathroom and the kitchen. One of the joints on one of the toilet fittings has just decided now was the time to break! It was like a garden fountain as the pipe just pointed straight upwards. I've managed to fix the joint, but I think I'll keep the water turned off when I'm not out of the house. At least until I can get a plumber to look at it.

Which won't be this week as I'm away from wednesday evening until Sunday. Why do these things happen at the most inconvenient times. I'm not at my best at the moment anyway as my digestive system is giving me gip at the moment so I'm having to watch what I eat or drink more so than usual. Which is going to be made soubly difficult living out of restaurant in Ashford later in the week.

There are days when I just think the world is out to get me! Do I really want to get out of bed tomorrow. Roll on my time-off at the end of the month.

The big question which I was going to blog about before my house turned into a waterpark was the age old question...

...should I stick with my glasses or go back to my contact lenses. My glasses need replacing due to running into one too many solid objects. I'm caught in two minds wondering whether to go back to contact lenses or just replace the glasses. The reason I stopped wearing them was originally due to catching an eye infection - swiftly followed by that illness of mine. I never really got back into them after that.

If I stick with the glasses, do I stick with similar frames or go for something different. It'd be nice if I only had this trivial thing to worry about at the moment.

Well Tickle Me Pink!

... er well maybe not. I don't go pink when tickled. I wonder where that expression came from?

Anyway I saw something yesterday that gave me a good laugh. It was something with good intentions, but ultimately useless. I was driving along (I'll get onto where later) when I came across the sign "Test Your Brakes". Now this is a great sign to have before you descend down a very steep hill however...

... in this case I came across this sign when I was already half way down the hill! I think half-way down the hill is a bit too late to be testing the brakes. I'd imagine if they didn't work you'd get a similar feeling as the sky diver who's just pulled the ripcord and nothing happens. The sense of impending doom as you hurtle steadily downwards.

Where was this hill I hear you cry (I'm hear lots of voices nowadays don't you worry). It was just south of Bath on one ofthe back roads between a place called Frome and Bath itself. I ended up down there with work on a very last minute job. So last minute I learn't of it at about 3pm on Tueday afternoon and drove down Tuesday evening as I had to start work at 8:30am on the Wednesday.

I'm now back in Leeds. I have a meeting with a customer tomorrow, so I had to finish the job today. Work just seems ridiculous at the moment, I have loads to do in the office yet I'm finding myself out on site more often lately. Next week I'm due to work on an incinerator in Ashford, Kent for 3 days next week. And one of those days is a Saturday, just so I can have 3 days in the office. Oh and again Im travelling down in the evening after working a full day.

That's irritating, but do you know what's been the most irritating thing this week has been? The light switch congiuration in the Frome Travel inn. Each switch is for a different bulb in the room. You walk in the rooma nd you can only see one switch, you press it and the light above the door comes on. You can now see the switches for the lights above the bed, so you walk over and switch them on. You then walk back to the door to switch the first light off. You need to reverse the process when leaving the room. Argh! The amount of times I climbed into bed forgetting about that light near the door!

Here's a statistic for you: Last month I spent 25% of the month in a travel inn.