Snow White Van Man

I'm sure their should be some "quotes" in that title somewhere, but I just can't seem to decide where to put them!

Once upon a time there was a wicked EnVIronmentaL health officer. Who one day decided to confer with his magic filing cabinet. You could tell it was a magic fling cabinet as it could speak and somehow everything could be filed under the letter 'V'. Yet when you reached your hand in he the file that came to hand was the one you actualy wanted.

"Cabinet, Cabinet on the floor, who is the cleanest on this shore" spoke the EHO. And low, the middle draw on the filing cabinet did open and did a single file rise slowly from it's unfathomable depths. And the file contained the information on a site in the fabled land of Kent. The EHO prided himself on being the cleanest in the land, but in his hand was a site that was clean, but was not as clean as an identical site in the land of Suffolk.

"How can this be?" cried the EHO. Another file rose from the cabinet, this time from the top drawer. Reading this new file a wicked smile came to the EHO's face.

"Bring me the Whtie Van man who cleaned up this site in the far of land of Suffolk. I want him here, send my minions forth. I want my site to be the cleanest in the land, whatever it takes to keep it that way!" So saying the EHO then issued an evil belly laugh. This laugh was so evil that all the birds nesting in the nearby trees took flight, for they are sensitive to such things.

And so White Van man was forced to travel to the fabled land of Kent, but only after working a full day in his office as a scullery maids work is never done. So after working "around" the fire he threw his tools in the back of a borrowed cart (okay van) and took the many pathways that led to Kent. Arriving late in Kent White Van Man got lost, but was taken in by a kindly inn. Well as kindly as an inn gets when they are getting paid by expenses.

Now at this point in the story you are probably expecting 7 dwarf (or dwarves if you prefer), but due to the EHO also having a political correctness fetish ther will be none of these in our tale. In fact there is nobody of a vertical challanged nature at all, not even a Jockey!

Feeling utterly knackerd the White van man immediately went to sleep. Not even wondering about the feeling of De ja Vu that engulfed him as he walked into the decidedly purple room. When awoke the next morning this is the site that greeted him.



After digging it out and still undecided where the quotes should go in his new name, Snow White Van Man set off to fufill the EHO's request not knowing that this story would not have a happy ending (there you've had fair warning, but read on if you must).

At first the request seemed an easy one. Snow White Van Man had already done this one and it should of been a simple matter to repeat the feat and at first all went well. But as the days past he came to realise all was not well in the land of Kent. And at the end of days he had to give up on his task, much to the displeasure of the EHO.

And so he was cursed to return to the land of Kent someday. To try and try again and again until the end of time until his task was done. And so he returned one last time to the inn, planning to sleep the sleep of a thousand years.

But no, he was awoken the next morning. Not by a fair prince I may add and for this he was glad because he didn't swing that way. Nor by a fair princess either (because Snow White Van Man is all for equal oppotuinities) it was not to be, although someday he hoped that would be true. So with a heavy heart he mounted his white steed and drove off into the rain.

Fin